DRAKE IS DADDY

I be calling him Santa Claus, cause he be blessing us with his gifts.
I be calling him Santa Claus, cause he be blessing us with his gifts.

So if you don’t already know, once upon at time in a faraway kingdom called Hip Hop, there were two rappers named Meek Mill and Drake.  The two young lords were the best of friends, both having started from the bottom yet finally making it here (i.e. at the top of the Billboard charts and Hip Hop kingdom).

But then, much like with the paranoid Macbeth in Shakespeare’s play, tragedy struck.  Meek Mill grew increasingly suspicious of his fellow statesman Drake, since Sir Drake refused to tweet to the entire kingdom a royal decree to purchase Sir Mill’s new album.  Drake attempted to smooth things over with what is known in the kingdom as a light “diss record” entitled “Charged Up”.

I’m trying to take the high road,” Drake responded.  He also added:

We going live to keep this shit alive
Cops are killing people with they arms up
And your main focus is tryna harm us?

As you can see, there were clearly other pressing issues in the kingdom that Drake was trying to refocus Meek’s energy on.  Nevertheless, this was all Meek had to say in response:

meek mill soft

This blatant disrespect at a time when Drake was simply trying to reunite the kingdom and get back to the task of ensuring Black Lives Matter to all had to be met with severe punishment.  And in the Hip Hop kingdom, the penalty for disrespect towards a royal G.O.A.T. is death.

Hence, Sir Meek Mill was publicly hanged on Wednesday, July 29, 2015 with the following slaughter record, “BacktoBack”:

Yeah, I learned the game from William Wesley
You can never check me
Back to back for the niggas that didn’t get the message
Back to back like I’m on the cover of Lethal Weapon
Back to back like I’m Jordan ’96, ’97

Whoa, very important and very pretentious
When I look back I might be mad that I gave this attention
Yeah, but it’s weighin’ heavy on my conscience

Yeah, and fuck, you left The Boy no options
I wanna see my niggas go insane
You gon’ make me step out of my fuckin’ frame

You gon’ make me buy bottles for Charlamagne
You gon’ make me go out of my fuckin’ way

I waited four days, nigga, where y’all at?
I drove here in the Wraith playin’ AR-AB

I’m not sure what it was that really made y’all mad
But I guess this is what I gotta do to make y’all rap

I mean woah, can’t fool the city, man, they know what’s up
Second floor at Tootsies, gettin’ shoulder rubs

This for y’all to think that I don’t write enough
They just mad cause I got the midas touch

You love her, then you gotta give the world to her
Is that a world tour or your girl’s tour?
I know that you gotta be a thug for her
This ain’t what she meant when she told you to open up more

Yeah, trigger fingers turn to twitter fingers
Yeah, you gettin’ bodied by a singin’ nigga
I’m not the type of nigga that’ll type to niggas

And shout-out to all my boss bitches wife-in niggas
Make sure you hit him with the prenup
Then tell that man to ease up

I did another one, I did another one
You still ain’t did shit about the other one
I got the drink in me goin’ back to back
Yeah, goin’ back to back
I got the drink in me goin’ back to back
Yeah, I’m goin’ back to back

I don’t wanna hear about this ever again
Not even when she tell ’em that they better as friends
Not even when you sayin’, “Drizzy, tell ’em again”

I been puttin’ on a show, it was a sell out event
Oh, you need better seatin’

I didn’t wanna do it, gave me every reason
The point I’m tryna make is I don’t ever need ’em
Seen what you’d do for fame or what you’d do for freedom

Please, check ’em for a wire or a earpiece
Please, please do not let these niggas near me

Please, think before you come for the great one
Please, who’s a real nigga and who ain’t one?

Please, somebody stop me
I’m talkin’ boasy and gwanin wassy

I got the fest in five days and it’s my shit
Soon as a nigga hit the stage, they gon’
They gon’ ask if I can play this shit back to back
Yeah, they want it back to back
They gon’ ask if I can play this shit back to back

I took a break from Views, now it’s back to that, nigga

Some witnesses to the public hanging said they heard some garble coming from Meek Mill’s mouth as he choked to death.  They’ve referred to it as “Wanna Know” in order for it to be recorded for the history books.  But, they say, it was simply inaudible groans coming from a man who was slowly, and sadly, dying.

And then Drake was crowned Daddy, and lived happily ever after. The end.

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