Quotes From “Born Again Virgin” That Gave Me Life (And Spoke on It, Too)

tv-one_bornagainvirgin_&mybiopicTV One is like that creepy dude in Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly“.  I need to know who has been stalking me for the past couple of years and decided to tell my whole life to the entire world!

The network (which is basically an upgraded BET, with some class) premiered its new show “Born Again Virgin” about a 30-something year old African American female blogger committed to abstinence until she finds Mr. Right to marry…yeah…someone done read my diary.

It’s all good though, because the actor they casted as me (Danielle Nicolet) looks just like me! (Giving me body, great work guys!) And I def had/have a Tank mister the devil sent into my life to draw me off the straight-and-narrow path (I rebuke his fineness IJN).

Please watch the show!  And try not to judge me (i.e. my character Jenna) – the Lord’s doing a work on me.

There were so many gems in the show that summed up my desperate life succinctly.  Literally Laughing Out Loud!  Here are some (with the characters that said it).  WARNING – may be some spoilers:

Kelly:  You know there’s a camera in there right?

Tara:  You know i’m an exhibitionist, right?

This conversation was too real.  I’ve been praying and fasting for that one friend of mine that feels the need to wrap her legs around the globe and back again.  And there’s no shame to her game, she’ll do it anytime, any place.  I can’t be mad though – I live vicariously through her like a Zane novel.

Jenna:  Let’s get your cherry popped!

Angel:  Yes, I love fruit!

Le hilarity!  When I’m not Jenna, I’m that one awkward friend (Angel) who has no idea what people’s sexual innuendos mean.  Like when Beyonce was singing about surfboarding I was like, why not at the beach?  (Or perhaps her bathtub’s bigger than an ocean – she got that Illuminati money…)

Random blogger guy:  Does being a born-again virgin make you a Lady Jesus?

I swear people be thinking just because I refrain from dirty dancing, it’s because I don’t want to jeopardize my sainthood application.  Nah homie, I’m just waiting for the right one to prove to me I’m all he’ll every need.  Even when it’s drier than Northern California down there.

Tara:  I only like three women – you, Jenna and –

Kelly:  Your momma?

Tara:  I’m still on the fence about her…

Bahaha!  I swear I love my momma, but she be testing my patience and walking that fine line sometimes.  Other females though have easily been cast aside, because the petty gets so real at times.  Read my piece on that.

Angel:  I finally had sex!

Jenna:  Yay hunny, no more yarn burn!

OMG, I imagine that’s what sex starts to feel like when you wait too long…Yikes!

Again, PLEASE watch the show.  This is gonna become a regular recap for me.  Never mind that book deal, I got my own TV show 😉

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